Community...but how?

In a class I’m teaching on Sundays, we’ve been studying ecclesiology and this week we talked about the Church as a community of faith. So I’m standing up front giving what feels like a very workmanlike and rudimentary lesson on the concept of community and I look and see people start tearing up and dabbing at their eyes. Which confuses me, because while I care a lot about this, after last week, I’m not pushing very hard. People are talking and discussing, but others are squeezing Kleenex really tightly and looking as if I shot their dog. So I wrap up class, shut down the projector and laptop and head to the back of the building for a glass of water. And suddenly I’m surrounded by people, and they are…weeping. Weeping for a community that we can talk about, but doesn’t exist in our lives yet. Mourning a church that obligates them to attend, yet doesn’t fill this burning need within them. Crying out for relationship that goes deeper than “how are you?”, “I’m fine.” Asking, begging, “How do we DO that?” These people are hungry. Not for another class, which they’ve been taught makes them good Christians, but for relationship and faith lived out in community. They are desperate for people who they can be real with, people who they trust enough to confess to, people who will provide a soft place for them to fall. They are longing for us to be the church.

But unfortunately, I had to admit to myself and to my brothers and sisters that I’m not a man who can really answer there questions of “How do we get there?” I can teach the theology of community in informative and convicting ways…but when it comes down to living it, I am impoverished as the rest of them…maybe more. I want it as much as they do…maybe more…but when it comes down to it, I’m still hiding behind my masks, afraid for anybody to see past them. We can transform the congregation into a real community...but I'm going to have to grow as much or more than anyone.

Last night we even took a baby step in the right direction, getting together with a few of the "weepers" to discuss how we can go about this, lay down some ground rules, and practice going deep with each other by pouring out our hearts a little. It felt good to actually be able to say to someone (other than my beautiful, supportive wife) how much I hate ministry (the job, not the action) sometimes, or at least the political games we sometimes turn ministry into, and how fake I feel when I have to confidently stride to the podium and act like I've got it all together, sit at my feet and learn from me. But this feels like an opportunity...I hope it's the first step on a long journey.