Emerge and Restore

Exploring faith, God, and church in the 21st century...

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Location: Kansas, United States

Thursday, October 20, 2005

I'm tired...

Please understand that there are things that I love about being a minister. I love and respect ministers. Many of my closest friends are ministers. I will always support them 100% and encourage them when they need it and be impressed that they are laboring long and hard without the recognition they truly deserve. I don't want to invalidate all the great things ministers and pastors all over the country are doing for Jesus. I'm only speaking for myself. But as for me...I'm tired.

- I'm tired of having a job where if I lose it, I lose my income and my house and my faith community and my friends.

- I'm tired of maintaining a high standard of quality at work, yet having my job be in danger.

- I'm tired of my family being treated poorly because people are uncomfortable with me.

- I'm tired of working more hours than almost anyone else, and still being accused of being lazy because I wasn't in my office Tuesday afternoon.

- I'm tired of my wife feeling like I'm never home and never get a day off. I'm tired of her being right.

- I'm tired of being told that the three hours I spent with the paroled drug addict was a waste of my time.

- I'm tired of the snide comments when I don't wear a tie when I preach.

- I'm tired of people coming to my home and begging "pleeeeease don't cause problems."

- I'm tired of the spiritual people in the church being looked down upon for "not being realistic."

- I'm tired of acting like everything's alright, preaching happy sermons when my heart is broken and my church is falling apart at the seams.

- I'm tired of the church, which is supposed to be the safest place on earth, hurting people.

- I'm tired of working for churches I probably wouldn't attend if they didn't pay me.

- I'm tired of my salary taking up almost half the church's budget.

- I'm tired of that nagging suspicion that I'd be closer to God and more Christlike and more missional if I wasn't a minister.

- I'm tired of getting rave reviews for my sermons, but getting laughed at when I want to put into practice what I just preached about.

- I'm tired of feeling like my spiritual gifts are meaningless.

I still love God and think the church can be a thing of beauty. But I don't have to be paid by a church to be a minister. I don't have to be a preacher to preach.


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